At last a bit of calm......

Okies so as everyone within a 50 mile radius of my ranting can tell, I've been a little edgy as of late. First sign is always when my use of the English language gets a little more colourful. *G*

Life while still stressful, is manageable; either that or work is so bloody hectic that I don't have time to worry about anything else because I am dead tired by the time I get home LOL

My WIP has stalled out for the time being, simply because all available brain cells are otherwise occupied but come Jan 1, I will be working double hard on it.
I'm still writing on funstuff, things that only require a paragraph or so a day. Some possibilities for future projects and most just to keep the right side of my brain active.

Despite all my 'whoa is me' crying some really Cool Stuff that has happened.
I got a signed cover flap and book mark and pen from Mary Stella as a prize for my comment I wrote for a writing challenge she opened to everyone who reads her blog. Who Killed Rock Granite? This was back in October and everyone who submitted an idea got one but I'm still thrilled about it.

Then a couple days ago I dropped in a couple additions into a Round Robin that Beth Ciotta was doing and my name was one of two that won an autographed set of her three books!!!! Jinxed, Charmed, and Seduced

I hope that one day I am in the same position as these two ladies and hope that I can be as generous. This is just way cool and a massive pick me up for such a bummer month. I am just tickled about the possibility of 3 new books coming my way and ones that I had planned to purchase as soon as my credit card was happy with me again. Her newest book Lasso The Moon is being released in February and I have preodered one already.

On a side note I have to toot my own horn on my progress with the HTML stuff. I'm getting good at the links and stuff. Of course it takes me a few hours to do it but *shrugs* who cares, it actually fun. I might actually take a course on website building one day.

How do you turn a paperclip into a house?

So I'm watching my favourite morning show, Breakfast Television and Liza was talking about this guy who is trying to achieve his dream of owning a house by trading up for one.

He started with a red paperclip and has traded his way up to a snowmobile.
What a cool idea! (It you click on the title of this blog you will go to his website.)

Apparently it is a take on a game he and his buddies used to do or something like that, strange but damn I hope he can do it. That would make one hell of a story that he could retell for years, a lifetime in fact.

The only thing of worth I have to trade is an unemployed husband, but I'm kinda attached to the guy so I think I might keep him for a little while longer. Unles he pisses me off too much then I might see what I can get for him. (oh come one you know I'm kidding!)

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On the writing front, things are progressign nicely. I devided up my WIP into chapters, so as of today I have 23 chapters. Of coruse some of them are only 4 pages long but I'll work on that later *G*

I did hear a bit of news. Kensington Publishers are starting up an erotic line. That is the Good news; Bad news is they only accept manuscripts from agented authors. *dramatic sigh*
SO I am almost back at square one. I know someone who might be able to connect me with an agent but I've gone to a bunch of his workshops and he is really cool but the thought of actually giving my work to someone I know to read *ack* Especially with all the sex in it! It's like doing it right in front of the guy LOL. I guess I had better get over this hang up really quick.

Tomorrow is my day off!!!!!!

WooHoo I finally have a day off!

I worked last Sunday which means my last day off was last Thursday and I can tell you I HATE this shit. Hubby still doesn't thave a job, and I am trying to be patient and understanding and all that crap
BUT
when I am the one working 48 hours a week, doing laundry, cleaning, sorting recycling, getting and taking out the garbage, getting up extra early each day, trying to work it out that one of the girls from work gives me a drive so he can have the car. Along with what feels like a mountain of other things I am doing, (sparks, my writing, holiday preparation, etc) And what does my husband do?

Well I'll give credit where credit is due he has made dinner each night this week, and has attempted to tidy the kitchen and sweep the floors. Of course he called me today to complain that the electricty was turned off, (they were working on a transformer or something on the street) and he had nothing to do but sit around for 4 hours.

4 FUCKING HOURS!!!!

What I would do for 4 hours by my self with no one around, and no distractions and he was complaining?

*sigh* I am running out of patience.

My week from HELL!!!!!!!!!!

~~~Cover your eyes if your easily offended, this will be your only warning.~~~

You know there are times when I wish I lead a boring life. I really get sick of the dramatic bullshit that I seem to be stepping in lately. What, you might ask, possibly could have happened to ruin what was a wonderful "I won NANO glow" I had going.

My husband getting fired from his fucking job, 3 fucking weeks before the holidays! Which has forced me to work extra shifts on on Sundays for the over time. Somthing I really HATE to do. Sundays as the only day that, up until now, were guartenteed that the family could spend together.

Now did my hubby do anything wrong, NOPE! He has found out through various sources that it is possible that this jackoff boss of his had every intention of firing my hubby the day he hired him. Right after he learned everything my hubby knows about the job he does and met all hubbies contacts and sat in on all the training seminars that my hubby does. Then completely blindsides him and fires him. Will the cocksucker be hiring someone to replace my man? NOPE, Muthafucka has said that he will be taking over my hubbies duties.

Leaving us with only 1 vehicle, and 1 income with a new house and bills and other things that had me to the point of absolutly loosing it last night. My anxiety level is through the goddamn roof, I'm nauseous, my tummy physically hurts ever time I manage to eat something and I gained 5 fucking pounds. Can anyone explain that shit to me!

Have to say that as much as I bitch and vent about the man I married I truly love him. He curled up next to me and kissed my head and stroked my hair while I sobbed my eyes out, telling me that we will be fine, that this is a little set back and how much he loves me and seeing me like that was breaking his heart.

You know there I was laying there, all puffy eyed, runny nose, blochy faced, with a spliting headache and I honestly think I fell in love with him again.
(Well I realized that once I calmed down a bit.)
Sometimes it's the little things that you don't realize at the time. Hubby knows how I feel about crying in front of people. Don't ask me why, I sure there is some sort of trama in my past that has given me this hang up and what ever it is I don't remember and frankly I don't fucking want to. Anyways he never turned on the bedroom light, never made me look at him and went down to put the kettle on for me once I settled down a bit. That is one pretty fucking smart man if you ask me.

Now will this drama last forever, no I know it won't. Logically I know that hubby will get another job and this is just a hurdle that we will get over, Does that stop me from living in full fledged panic mode. No, not so far.

Now I sure this post would have been much nasiter and much longer if it hadn't been for a post in Jen's blog. She has a link for one of the funniest things I have seen/heard in a long time. Nothing like laughing your ass off to take the wind out of a good bitch session.

http://www.illwillpress.com/xmas.html

I also want to add my heart felt thanks to Paula and Steph for their notes to me last week and their comments on the previous post, and also to Jen for her encourage ment when I got close to the finish line. Ladies, from the depths of my heart thank you for your kind words, they mean the absolute world to me.

WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a Winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!!!!!!! I did it!!!!!!!!!
Yes ladies and gentleman, with 1 hour, 1 minute, and a few seconds to go I uploaded my file and surpassed that monstrous 50,000 word mark.
*continues dancing around!*

I could have continued writing and I will but once I surpassed that milestone I immediately ran to the computer to update my word count. Knowing me if I didn't; I'd loose track of time and remember well after midnight. Damn would I be pissed then, but it didn't happen *bouncing around*
I really am happier then anyone has a right to be but this is huge to me!

It has been a horribly stressful week (more on that at a later date)and this was the best way to turn it around. My next goal is to get it edited and ready to enter in Passionate Ink's January 28th contest.

realistically I think that by the time I am done all the edits and such I think it should be about the 75,000 mark. Then I will attempt to discover the pain and anguish of rejections. Yes of course I hope a publisher will buy it and pay me lots of money but I am being realistic here. One step at a time!



So to celebrate this rather massive stepping stone in my efforts to become a published writer I am treating myself to a bottle I was saving till Christmas eve. It's a black muscat dessert wine from California called Elysium. Bloody amazing stuff. It's terrible to say but i am a little jaded when it comes to Ontario icewines. Don't get me wrong they are amazing and everyone really should take the time to treat themselves and try one but with my job I try so many that sometimes they almost seem "same ole, same ole" (I can almost hear the Ontario Wine Council gasping in horror after that comment) This wine shows up 'once in a blue moon' on our shelves and it is so very differnt from anything else that it's perfect for this moment. Of course I'll be buying another one on Friday for Christmas eve LOL Although in order to redeem myself from my earlier comment I may have a Flat Rock Vidal Icewine instead.

http://www.flatrockcellars.com/index.html

http://www.quadywinery.com/elysium.html

Can't blog must write

I'm getting closer 21,708 words done and only 14 days left to get that up to 50,000. Having said that, today's note will be short yet sweet and I am allowing myself not to feel guilty when I don't blog for the next 14 days. Yea like I can actually last that long.


LOVE this poster. Wish I could get a copy of it but for now I have this little picture. It was from a campaign through McMaster University after 9/11. Damn powerful if you ask me. It is so a blog in the making I just don't have time to write it.

50,000 here I come!

Yes, I'm procrastinating again

The lengths I will go to avoid writing on my novel. This one was cool, she even looks like me....well my hair is much fuzzier, and I don't think I have ever looked that serene, although if I was to hand stitich a quilt I would enjoy doing it while perched on the battlements


The Traditional Princess

You are generous, graceful, and practical with both
feet planted firmly on the ground. You tend to
be a little on the old-fashioned side. You
value home, hearth, and family life and love to
be of service to others.

Role Models: Snow White, Maid Marian

You are most likely to: Discover a hidden talent
for spinning straw into gold.


What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla


It's not that I don't want to write it but I am in a bit of a slump at the moment, the plot is carrying on but much to quickly and I'm trying to figure out what happens in between the aparts that I have already written. Although I did say so my self that if I ever slumped I would just write them having sex again LOL.

So i have an hour and a half before I have to elave and at least 15 minutes of that will have to be getting changed and doing my makeup. So I am down to an hour-15......Gee wonder how much of that I will waste, thinking about what I am going to write instead of actually writing. *smacking palm against forehead*

Okay kettle is boiling, I will make tea then write nonstop for what ever time I have left. **noding firmly, the scrolling down to take another look at crazy Scotsmen with large stakes.**

Yes another one!

Thanks to Jenn (of Just Jenn) for posting this one on her blog where I could find it. LOL


You're the Sorceress!


What woman out of fantasy literature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


ooohhhhhh spooky LOL
Just wat I needed to hear before I started my writing for tonight.

The only reason to watch football

Ok I admit it! Despite my grumpling and complaints regardng my husband's rather narrow mindedness on Sundays; There is one good reason to watch football.



Troy Polamalu #43 with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Holy shit he's gorgeous. Look at all that hair. I make joke about watching football for the shoulders and butts but he makes it all come true.

I think Hubby has caught on though. He's realized that if he starts talking about football all he has to say is #43 or Polamalu and I will actually listen instead of getting that glazed expression on my face. Of course that only lasts until I realize that he has gotten off tangent and I am hearing stats over the last 5 years and my left eye is starting to twitch.

I'm actually going to go out and buy a copy of S.I. for my self. This will be a first, then I'm going to rip off the cover and hang it in my corner of the warehouse at work....Maybe I'll buy 2 then I can have a pitcture at work and one at home.

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On the writing front, I have over 13,000 words done! That leaves me with 20 days left and 37,000 words to go. Not too bad but I have been procrastinating over the past couple days, can't do that much longer or I'll run out of time. So I'm going to try to do 3G's tonight, but at last get my 2 done.

Off to make my tea, left hope it is inspiring

Blogging withdrawl, need a fix

So It's almost a week into November already!! Why do I have a feeling this month will go fast. As of right now I have 8023 words done on my NaNoWriMo. Not too shabby but I am behind my schedule so I am aiming for 3000 tonight and 3000 words tomorrow. That will put me up over the 14G mark *crossing fingers* I will be very dissapointed if I don't get this done at the end of the month.

I thankfully have great online friends that are encouraging me. Got an awesome email from one that that read...


YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Since your muse is Scottish, just picture these guys behind you "encouraging" you. *blinks*

Now get back to work!

*muah*

Now how can a girl not be inspired by that...or at least terrified into working LOL

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Trying to help my 8 year old with her homework is one of the most frustrating things out there. Yes she is a bit of a slow learner, I realize that but after I explain something 4 times in four different ways then ask her the question again, and she gives me an answer that isn't even close to the right one. (AKA: she's guessing)AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

So it's a 5 minute break, 'cause mommy is getting frustrated and then try again.

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Had one of my writing partners actually say she wanted to write a book with me!!!! How cool and terrifying is that? Shit could I actually do that? I can see myself getting all neurotic about not 'pulling my wight' and stuff but that is just me. Really the two of us work well together, and over time we have discovered that we quite possibly share a brain.

(Or our brain was cloned as a strange medical experiment and almost 20 years after then implanted one they chose to implant the other and....yea this is getting wierd never mind)

So we were brainstorming the other night and damn we came up with a really good basis. (Yes I know I should have been writing not chatting Fuck off!) Ever since the back of my mind has been filling with ideas and possibilities. Distracting as hell but cool. I've been thinking about what I may need to research and what the chances are of talking hubby into a trip to Vancouver?

Slim to none I'd say since the next trip we take will likely be for our 10th anniversary nextyear and he wants to go to Vegas. hhhmmmmm You know perhaps the sequal can be set in Vegas and then I can do some research there while hubby is camped out in what ever room plays every sports game. Now that's an idea....

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Okay, I feel better and am off to write...... as soon as my tea is ready. Mmmm Vanilla Earl Grey my favourite

Happy Samhain!!!

Yup that is me and my two munchkins. The 'not-so-evil' gypsy and the diva ghost. Both original ideas by my creative offspring. I love that hat, had to bend down a bit for the picture, I was afraid the top would get chopped off in the picture if I stood straight. It looks like an owl lives in the peak. The cape is purple velvet with a green satin lining that my mum made for me to wear the day I got married. Has an oversized hood as well, very medieval, I love it.



Trick or Treating was fun as it usually is. This is the one day that I find you get the best chance to meet your neighbors. And find out the houses you should avoid. Like the one that is around the corner that was handing out christian pamphlets with their candy. Something I will likely rant about another day but not today. I believe ending this year by bitching sets the wrong tone for the beginning of the next.

So my children have been banished to their rooms in hopes that they work off their sugar high by tormenting each other before they crash. Both walked for almost 1.5 hours tonight, before finally dragging their costumed butts home. Hubby and I tag teamed, I took them out first and he handed out candy for an hour then we switched.

As for me, as soon as the house quietens a bit then I will have a wee circle of my own.

Found an interesting page for the holiday on a celtic site, actually it was the 'Apple and the Mirror' I thought looked fun. Even witches like to play sometimes.

http://www.celticspirit.org/samhain.htm

I have a beautiful book called "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews. Bought it years ago, stuck it on my shelf, and that is where it has stayed. It's one of those books that has a page for ever day of the year. I've flipped through it a liked some of the things I've read but I think this is the year I'll read it. Don't know why, it just feels like it is time.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062515381/102-5899940-6616167?v=glance&n=283155&v=glance

Found a Samhain ritual and I really like one of the blessings

"As the New Year is born, we are all reborn
With new hopes and dreams.
Guide me in the future as in the past.
Give me strength and courage,
Knowledge and fulfillment,
Assist me as I attempt to achieve my goals."

(http://www.wicca.com/celtic/akasha/samhainrit.htm)

It's a new year tomorrow, fuck what ever bad happened last year, time to let it go. I'm facing a 50,000 word challenge beginning at 12:00 tonight. I may stay up and write a couple paragraphs just for good luck.

Brightest Blessings everyone!!

On the cusp of new year!!

Yes tomorrow is the end of the year in my eyes, Samhain my favourite holiday!!
I like to think that it should be a quiet day, used reflecting on what I have accomplished in the past year and what I would like to do in the coming one. (Actually I didn't accomplish much of what I wanted to in the last 12 months so I hope my track record is better for the next 12.) But it looks like it will be hectic as hell starting out with eye appointments for the girls in the morning, laundry, bills and getting costumes and such together for tomorrow night. Normal Monday craziness.

At least it's my day off so I should be able to carve out some 'me' time in the afternoon for the god/dess' that help me though life.

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Mary Stella sent out an email regarding "National Novel Writing Month"(aka NaNoWriMo) on one of the loops I belong too and I think this is the best way to start my year. I've often complained that I've always worked better under pressure and hopefully this kind of deadline will help give me the kick in the ass I need.

Since I signed up last night, I've rollar coastered from excitement to "what the fuck!'
50,000 words in 30 days. Shit!
At best if I can crank out 2,000 a day that will leave me 5 days to correct spelling and try to make sense out of the crap I have written.

Technically You have to start from scratch. That's the rules. Now there are no Nanowrimo police that will hunt you down if you you start the month 4,000 words into a manuscript, just your own conscience and I've been fighting mine all day. Hubby thinks I'm nuts, why not just keep going with what I have started. At the word count right now It's a glorified outline of the first 4 chapters.

How many time have I mentioned my overinflated guilty conscience? Yea well it's in high gear. What if I go ahead with what I have and just make sure I am at 54,000 by the end of the month? I would have done 50G's. OR I could start with the sequal to my current WIP and follow the rules and not risk any possible negative novel karma.
I now have 28 hours 5 minutes left to make up my mind.

How many of you think that I will follow the rules and start fresh.... where did the rebellious badass that once resided in my head go?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok yes I know it's another one, but this is in honour of Hallowe'en. Name decoders are almost as much fun as quizzes.




Drinking: Frutopia 'Tangerine Wavelength'

I need WQA

Web Quiz Anonmous! The following I plan to blame completely on Beth Ciotta. Look to the left of this screen and down just a bit under Creative Spaz. She had them on her blog and of course I couldn't not do them.

Your Alias Should Be:

Perla Emilia

What Should Your Alias Be?

Hmmm Interesing name?? Kinda cool actually

Your Celebrity Style Twin is Jessica Simpson

Flirty, feminine, and fun.

Who's Your Celebrity Style Twin?

Jessica Simpson? Well yea, I do like her clothes, I just wish I had her body!!!

Your Nail Polish Color is Purple

How you're unique: You are artistic and expressive Why your style rocks: You pay special attention to color and fabrics What this color says about you: "I'm creative and know how to take care of myself"

What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

Like I could resist anythnig that has to do with nailpolish!!!

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

"The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy" has been on my reading list for almost 2 decades. One of those books that I keep meaning to read but never get around to for one reason or another. Even when the movie came out I refused to see it because I didn't to ruin the story for myself.

So when one of my co-workers came back from a trip to Europe raving about this book he read it just charged me up again and 42 thanks to Krys for handing the book over last Friday and letting me borrow it.

It has to be one of the most creative things I have ever read. I'm actually sitting in the lunchroom at work laughing out loud. Poor Arthur, the man is thrown into the most amazing adventure and it isn't till the last page when he finally passes the "What the Fuck!" stage and is able to deal with what is going on.

Can I name my favourite part of the book, yea sure the part between the front and back cover. LOL Now I'm sure many people might disagree with me, I mean it doesn't have the strongest plot, and it ends rather abruptly; but what creativity! The ideas that he comes up with and his discriptions make it easy to imagine the worlds he created.

According to the author it is a trilogy in 5 parts; I can't wait to get the rest of the books.



Douglas Adams 1952-2001

<strong>How should prospective writers go about becoming an author?
DA: First of all, realise that it's very hard, and that writing is a gruelling and lonely business and, unless you are extremely lucky, badly paid as well. You had better really, really, really want to do it. Next you have to write something. Unless you are committed to novel writing exclusively, I suggest that you start out writing for radio. It's still a relatively easy medium to get into because it pays so badly. But it is a great medium for writers because it relies so much on the imagination. You will learn a tremendous amount from it, and maybe get some useful exposure.
What qualities are needed by an author?
DA:A determination to keep at it.

Mental Health Day

I took what I like to refer to as a mental health day today. Actually I was 3 hours into my shift and thought "I can't handle this shit today" So out came the creative process and next thing I know I'm calling hubby telling him to call me in 5 minutes.

My name gets paged over the intercom, I answer phone then go and tell manager my mentally rehersed pack of bald faced lies over why I have to leave. Do I feel bad, maybe a little but then I have always had an overblown guilty conscience. Truth is I would have had to work with my SOB asst manager.
Now am I an adult, yes.
Could I have worked the shift with him. Yes of course.
BUT Instead of his comming to me and saying something as simple as "I need to to take care of the office stuff for me" or something to that effect in 10 words of less. Then I would have stayed and done it no biggie. Instead he places a casual employee in charge of the office, the safe, all cashes, and ringing on and off of cashiers. When I heard that, my decision was made.

I don't need to elaborate his opinion of anyone in my job position. He thinks we are all useless and stupid. *snort* Don't see him writing exam after exam to do this job.
But of course according to him he do my job *snapping fingers* "Like That". I've watched him deal with customers, he bullshits and tells them what they want to hear.

Like I've said the man is a 40 year old adolesent bully. Still to this day I don't know what it was that caused his opinion of me to turn, or if it is even personal. There was a time that we got along great. He is that moody and I'm not one to put up with it, so over time i got sick of trying to figure out his moods and he snapped at me once freaking and swearing over nothing. So after that I figured Fuck'em. Now over time as it has become obvious that he doesn't get a reaction out of me, he has gotten nastier and nastier as was proven last Saturday.

Does it bother me, Fuck ya. Look this is the second post that is devoted to bitching about him. I miss the joking around we used to do back when I was in his good books. I'll be the first to say I carry a grudge but even for me eventually if fades and all that is left is me being stubborn about it.

Still my tummy cringes when I pull into the parking lot and see his car. And my store just isn't as much fun anymore. I'm actually looking forward to getting transferred, as long as it's a store closer to home of course. If not, then I hope he gets transferred out and I get to stay.

All I want for Chistmas....

If the child looses any more teeth she'll be eating nothing but soup! That's three in the last month. LOL

I am ranting,cover your ears

OH MY GODS!! Could a day suck more then mine did today! I think not. Right from the moment I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, to the asshole asst. manager absolutly FREAKING out and swearing at another employee for helping me with my release today. (Note: Said asshole manager and I do not get along. Infact I ignor his presence on the planet which I am sure irritates his over inflated ego, which is why I do it.) I was so mad I actually got teary at work. I get emotional when I am truly pissed. (another note: I do not cry in front of anyone! So if I have tears in my eyes, get away fast because my temper is about to blow) It wasn't fair that Jeff was just trying to help me and for that he got in trouble. Honestly just thinking about it gets me angry again. I have lodged how many complaints with the manager, but I keep getting
"What do you want me to do about it?" Fucker.

You have to realize that my asst. asshole is a very intelligent man. He would never speak to me that way because he know I would nail his ass to the wall in a heartbeat. So instead he plays the game and mutters comments just low enough that I know what he said but not 100% sure. Bottom line is he is an adolecent 40+ year old, arrogant, self absorbed, and I truly think incredibly insecure. That would be why he insisted on making himself out to be the 'hero' all the time, you know that type, comes in early , stays late, skips lunches, all the while making sure that EVERYONE knows what he is giving up. For all his intelligence he is an idiot. The company we work for doesn't care. He hasn't realize that he is a NUMBER! They would fire his ass tomorrow if we didn't have a union and replace him the next day. Head office doesn't care a shit what he does and yet he keeps working himself like a dog and making everyones life around him miserable. Except for the select few he deems worthy of his good humour and believe me that list changes on a daily basis because I have never met a moodier man in my life!

So that set the tone for my day that never ended, then tonight which I thought was going to be a night that I met with the other 'sparks' leaders in my group for a coffee but I got my dates screwed up, it was next Saturday not this one. So I drank half a coffee by myself in the coffee shop feeling like a moron because I didn't bring a book with me. I so rarely get to go out anymore that I was really looking forward to tonight. Sitting alone in a coffee shop made me feel patheric and like a loser. Nice to know those lovely teenage insecurities haven't left yet. Fuck I'm almost 35 you would think I would stop worrying by now.

So I am about 3/4 way through a ok bottle of wine. As I said this day has been the shits so it was par for tha course when the bottle I opened ( a 99 Folinari Valpolicella Ripasso) isn't anywhere near as good as I had hoped. I've been saving this one with much higher expectations, Fuck! I should have opened one of the younger ones that I know I enjoy.

Now while I am not completely intoxicated I wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car at the moment. Having said that I'm sure I wouldn't have ranted have as much had I written this while sipping my first glass. Then there is always the "I will delete this embarassing crap tomorrow" While possible I hope I don't.

This blog was saposed to be my outlet for thoughts and rants and general frustratedness that I felt I couldn't tell anyone else. If I take out a post I typed while somewhat (alot) under the influence, Am I compromising my original plan? Do I really give a shit at the moment?

Hell no one reads this but me at the moment so why not vent all I want, and swear all I want, maybe one day someone will read it and think "Hey I feel like that sometimes! I'm not the only onel"

Oh wow that just gave me an interesting thought, what if I am writing a blog that I wish I could read. maybe I am looking to see if there is someone out there that thinks like me and I am not just a freak....damn remants of my adolescence talking again. ever see 'Breakfast Club" I so related to the wierd chick dressed in black sitting in the back. Only I never got the jock.

Fuck I don't know. I do know that I am sober enough to correct my spelling on this damn thing, which means I haven't drank enough so I'm going to go refill my glass then attack my hubby and bit g'day to this shit day!!!!!

At least that no matter what adolescent inscecurities that still hang around my subconscience, or what negative feelings may feel on a regular basis. I am blassed to have a hubby who loves me for who I am. (Although I wonder sometimes if he really knows)

Honestly forget this woah is me cry baby bullshit, I'm going to refill my glass and hopefully the hangover I have tomorrow will distract me from what ever residual shit remains from today.

Winter is looming...

AACCCKKK!!! There was Eggnog in the grocery store today!!! can you believe it! Damn that get put out earlier and earlier each year because I so cannot think of those crazy holidays right now. Sheesh. So in retaliation I am posting a picture of the lake outside our friends cottage. Another beautiful day 30+deg day. In the corner you can see the floating island the kids were playing on and of course my gorgeous puppy Karma. Ok I feel better now ;o)

One small step for a novice blogger....

Finally It worked!!! To be honest I have no idea what I did this time that I haven't done the other dozen times but what ever was causing the "error on page" is no longer erroring and I am free to illistrate my comments and opinions with what ever I want....Of coruse at this exact moment I really don't hold an opioning on anything other then to say "I'm cold" and I miss the summer already.

Yes ok it is only 15 deg outside and in the spring, that is a good temp when I am cold and it makes me feel wamer. Not the effect today. So I'm off to bake myself in a hot shower before I start my mountain of errans I have to run today before sparks tonight.

We are taking the girls to the big firestation here in town with the training facility out back. Well you know what that means. Big Firestation = Big Firemen. At least I am hoping for a little eye candy. Have to remember to take pictures ;o)

Oh and before I forget the picture above was taken up at the cottage this summer on one of those glorious 30 deg days. The dragonflys were HUGE up there, and no matter how long I sat still not one landed on me. Except for the time one landed on my ass while I was pouring salt on 2 of the kids legs to get the leeches off them. I panicking and fighting my own fears and that is when one lands on me. My girlfriend got a picture of it, and one day I hope she remembers to email it to me.

I guess that is one thing I find amazing about motherhood. I have a paralizing fear of leeches. If one was on me I would completely freak out, but when the kids came out of the water and we saw the big one on little man's leg, I just calmly ran to the cottage and got the salt. While pouring we realized the tiny little flesh coloured things on both his and my youngest's legs were also leeches, we managed to get them both cleaned off and deleeched in no time and with out freaking the kids out too much.

Of course after that we both had the shakes, a cry and then a cold vodka cooler. When the daddies returned we told them that next time we are going out and they get to deal with any and all crisis.

My computer is my own worst enemy

I have come to the conclusion that I have two choices. Either give up the writing dream or pick up a cheap laptop with NO internet ability.

Maybe I have A.D.D. because honestly I sit down at this damn thing and poof, I check the blogs I like to read, play a game or to on Neopets, email some people, do research then suddenly it is time for bed and I have lost out on another evening.

I spend my days thinking of book scenes and blogs I want to write but when I sit down here I get distracted. Maybe that's just it, I'm not meant to write things, I just like to daydream....I really do like to daydream but it's the characters I create and the scenes that form in my mind. *sigh*

But then as soon as I sit down to write...oh look a bird.....and I'm off checking out something else.

Then again there is still the fact that as much as I like to fool myself into thinking I have decided on which time period to write, the others interfere. It's hard enough to keep both regencys stright in my head, the contemporary one keeps popping in there. Thank the gods my medeval characters have chosen to stay quiet. I might go mad otherwise.

Perhaps decaf wil help....

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Ever have one of those moments when you realized that someone you hold in awe is actually human. I don't mean in a negative way, example I was reading Mary Stella's blog tonight and she was talking about wines and sounded like any normal person that I help at work. I had one of those moments then.

I know I sound silly being amazed by that, of course she is a normal person, just cause she is a PUBLISHED author, and I LOVE her books..... i guess it's one of those... 'She's normal and I'm kinda normal and if she was brave enough to write a book and got published then maybe I can too.'

Of course I would have to actually write the damn thing instead of dreaming of it all the time.

**3rd cup of coffee , not shaking yet

What colour best describes you?

Just a bit of fun for a Monday morning.... It's a really easy test that takes less then a minute and its scarey how close the results are to my personality and then there is the fact that is one of my favourite colours. Spooky

you are thistle #D8BFD8

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

**Vanilla Earl Grey Tea is steeping

Never argue about Religion...

I am so sick and tired of getting religious propaganda sent through my email and from someone who knows my religious beliefs.

Most times I just blow it off with a "it's the thought that counts" or well that is a sweet thought and would be nicer if sent with sincerity and not as a chain letter. But tonight I'm just not in the mood and when I opened it I kinda snapped.

This one is the about a religious minister/reporter who nails a Muslim leader on the definition of infadel and the holy war, ending with this leader saposedly hanging his head in shame. Right there you know it's a crock and lie. If this "leader" was a true religious fanatic he never would have lowered his eyes to someone he seems less then worthy. Not that it matters I'm just tired of everyone spreading hate through "Helpful" or "Eye-opening" crap!

So me being me and my flaring temper I 'replied all' and wrote

"Need I remind you who was behind the Spanish Inquisitions, the American Witch hunts and the country of Ireland bombing the shit out of itself for the last century? While I think that radical Muslims as whacked out as most sociopaths, I don't think that Christians are in any position to make any sort of comments without taking a good long look at themselves in the mirror.

The forwarding of religious propaganda only increases the fear and hate between us all.

Allah or Jesus?

How about I choose neither? "

*sigh* I should have kept my mouth closed. I have now recieved 2 emails back from the person who sent it to me. First backpeddleing and now defending herself. Why do I bother arguing? I know better? When will I learn to keep my mouth closed and just hit the delete button?

*banging head on desk*

**yet another coffee

Small Towns suck!!!!!!!

Don't ask about writing!!!! I am stressing big time today!

My poor Granny fell down on Thursday and broke her collarbone, and the hospital sent her to see an orthapedic surgeon yesterday and the damn place was closed! Can you believe it. Now she has to wait till MONDAY!!! She's in a lot of pain and thanks to the incredibly small amout of doctors in this country; she has to suffer and wait. God! What if it starts to mend incorrectly and she suffers worse. All she has are Tylenol 3 with codiene which are hurting her tummy and she doesn't like anyways.

If only she was living in a bigger city even London for gods sake, hell my mum should have gotten on her self centered ass and driven her to Toronto!!! Grrr Enough about her; she is on my serious shit list as opposed to my mild shit list.

I've been upset all day thinking about it, I wish she lived closer but a 3.5 hour dive is a bit far. At least I could chat with her tonight and fill her in on the girls exploits and make her laugh a bit. Laughter is the best medicine isn't it? I hope it helped but she was giggling so much I was afraid she would hurt herself.

My oldest wrote her a poem. Bloody brillent if you ask me and Gran agrees but we are a bit biased.

Granny Ann:

Trannosaurus Rex is red
Dilopagus is blue
I hope you feel better
very very soon.

Love T......

Yes I know I spelled the names wrong. (Lookover the archives spelling isn't my strong suite.) She also drew picture of her favourite dinosaurs to go with it. My gran laughed so much when I read it to her, she can't wait to get the letter.

Note to self: DON'T FORGET TO MAIL IT TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My youngest got on the phone and told her all about loosing her 'fiveth' tooth and how the toothfairy was really busy last night and couldn't make it to the house but mummy says she will tonight.

Yes I am the horrible one who has suffered a mountain of guilt for dropping the ball on that one. I can't forget tonight after the elaborate excuse we fed her and she thankfully bought. Oh have to add her poem "i love you and i love you" She doesn't know all that many words on her own yet. I think it is quite excellent for a first attempt

Drinking: Capel Vale Cabernet Sauvignon 2001 (Western Australia) Loving it!!!!!!!

My new thing for the blog I will add what ever I happen to be drinking at the time. Not for any good reason, just cause.

Friday, Friday, Friday!!

Woo Hoo...... Wait I don't like Fridays that much. My Friday is like everyone elses Thursday. You can see the end in sight but aren't quite there. Really it's just a tease because I'll be a work at 8am tomorrow morning. At least my asshole assistant manager has the day off.

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My youngest lost her front tooth after much tugging and wiggling, then promptly lost it. Hubby and I tore apart the sofa and surrounding furniture all to the sounds of my baby's heart breaking...at 500 decibels. I rememeber how important newly lost teeth are to kids but my drama queen just figured it was her moment to shine and we got the works.

Sobbing, wailing, collapsing on the sofa, more sobbing, screaming when mummy told her to knock it off. A trip to her bedroom for a time out and then we got the "I'm sorry for being naughty but now the toothfairy will NEVER come..." accompanied by more sobbing.

Of course we made the suggestion that if she wrote the tooth fairy a note or drew her a picture then perhaps that would be enough. Yea like that worked. SO after what felt like hours of carrying on, I gave up and went upstairs to get dinner ready. And Guess what I found on the kitchen counter.

One small white front tooth. I think I'll ground her till the next one comes out....

Geez how much do the front ones go for theese days?
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Ok so on the book front I'm no father then I was yeasterday but I am getting this out of my system now and planning on writing for the rest of the evening.
As soon as I get my charming, melodramatic children off to bed that is.

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas

So I 've been trying to put pictures up on this blog and can't get any of them to come through. Very frustrating. The download pages goes fine, I choose the file and then it says error on page at the bottom and no picture. Grrrr. I know it's gonna turn out to be something simple that I am missing.

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Got the Pedigree finished for my characters. Damn it took me an entire night sorting through names and titles. Seeing which I liked and what would fit the story. I tried to tell myself that all that work should count towards my weekend goal; but then my rarely heard firm side argued that while it is reseach it is not writing. Therefor doesn't count. damn, arguing with ones self never solves anything

So while I don't have the words down. I have a good idea what will happen in the prologue and the beginning of the first chapter. I did come to the conclusion that writing the prologue counts. Now I just have to write it.

To tired to think of something witty

I am exhausted. Plain and simple and it looks like I won't be able to catch up on my sleep until the day after I retire........ *wailing* that's another 25+ years from now!

Well my oldest's anxiety level is up again so she isn't sleeping again which means mummy isn't sleeping through the night either. Nothing like having an 8 yr old prowling around the house to keep one awake. I know if I let her sleep with me she will sleep (i won't) but then I don't want her to develop that crutch. She needs to be able to sleep on her own, but I can't keep fighting this at 3am.

I know a lot has to do with the new house and school but she seems fine during the day. Of course I remember waking up in themiddle of the night as a child feeling terrified and alone and trying to crawl in with my sister. I really don't want her to grow up and end up with the anxiety problems I have suffered through as an adult. The thing is there really isn't anything I can do for her except try to make her feel as safe as possible and support her but allow her to develope her independance.

Right..... so in a nut shell I have to hold her, comfort her at the same time push her away and force her to stand on her own two feet. No wonder she and I are so goddamn confused. We are just going in circles.

One doctor mentioned putting her on medication, Over my dead body.

I did hear about a homeopathic doctor in Mississauga that apparently specializes in children's health. I have to check that out.

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Sparks start next week!!! Due to cutbacks there are only 2 groups running in our area this year and other cities are suffering as well. There are 4 leaders including myself and we have 20 girls. It's such a shame because there is a waiting list a mile long and the reason that these little girls can't join is because there just isn't enough leaders.

PLEASE!!! If you can, the GirlGuides is an amazing organization that encourages self respect and confidence. It's only an hour once a week with a bit of time for planning meetings but that doesn't take long at all. BE A LEADER!!!!!

http://www.girlguides.ca/

Another Football Sunday

Sunday ritual have begun. Hubby's best friend comes over, I bail with children and go shopping with hubby's bestfriend's wife. I think I'm going to like Sunday afternoons this year.

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I am all proud of myself. Finally got to the computer store and pickup a new cd-rom since the old one went on the fritz almost a year ago. I coughed up $10 and installed it!!
**patting myself on the back**
It wasn't that hard, just remember what screws you take out, put them back in the same place. What you unplug from the old, plug into the new, restart. *whoala* We are in business.

Hmmm maybe I'll get into computers when I grow up.

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Thought about 'south beaching' again. Then after drowning that horrendous thought with a large caramel frappicino, I started wondering why I would want to look like stick girl again? Okay so right now I am carrying about 15 extra pounds, and I am about 30 lbs heavier then the day I got married. BUT I'm healthy, I haven't had a serious panic attack since I gained the weight. Considering my height (5'10") it's not that noticeable....well ok maybe it is ;o)

The fashion industry uses 16 and 17 year old girls to showcase their stuff. They are underweight, haven't had children, barely through puberty, and yet most women (and I am guily of this as well) wish that we looked that 'good'. And the really sick part is we all *know* that the pictures are airbrushed. We *know* that the vast majority are bulimic/anorexic. We *know* that it is not normal to look like that when you are in your mid 30's and have visited the delivery room on 2 seperate occasions.

And still I wish my tummy was flatter, my ass firmer and the 'girls' perkier.

Okay and before anyone suggests I join a gym.
*flipping the bird* oops where did that come from

If I had the time or extra energy perhaps but I want to enjoy life and not get caught on the tredmill of working out; because I have a feeling if I was fine with my tummy, ass, and 'girls' Then I wouldn't like my arms or thighs, or neck .....

So I will be happy with me, the way that I am. Right.

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*bouncing excitedly* Gonna go work the Harvest at Henry of Pelham this year. Okay so not all will find excitement at the prospect of crawling through a vinyard hand picking grapes. I'm looking forward to it. I learn by doing and while I know the technicalities of winemaking, doing this will help cement it in my brain. Also it sounds like fun!.

Just think I am on the list to pick icewine this winter and am looking forward to that as well.

Hubby thinks I'm mental....he's just figuring it out after all this time?

It's Saturday already!

I can't believe how the week has flown. Well ok I didn't make my first deadline, so I am granting myself a Mulligan. I'll have the first chapter of one of those damn books written by next Saturday. If I could get it started I'm sure I'd be fine. *coughcough*

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So have to say I am addicted to E-Books. Love them, having a great time reading them, spending way to much on them. At least with paperbacks I have to drive to Chapters to get the ones on want. Hell point and click is way to easy and my butt is getting numb from sitting in this uncomfortable computer chair. I think I know what I want for Chirstmas. One of those Personal readers so I can download my books on it. I'm petrified that I will crash my computer and loose the ones I have bought. I really should pick up some disks and download an extra copy just in case.

www.loose-id.com
www.triskelionpublishing.com

hmmmm now if I could actually write a book then prehaps I can explore my contemporary paranormal idea with them.... NO! Regency first! or at least started

A fantasy crushed

Messier retired yesterday.

This means he will never wear a Leaf uniform....

First the lockout then this!! I don't know if I will ever watch hockey again?!

What's next? Shanahan announces he plays for the 'other' team. Not that there is anything wrong with that but a girl can only have so many fantasies crushed.

And no I haven't written anything yet and I am running out of time. Despite my best efforts to get somthing started. My brain has been purkulatin the sequal. Have some great insites into my herione. I think I may sit in the tub tonight and see if I can get a rough plot down.

Anti Rape Condom?

Yes I should be writing I know, Piss off. This has got me thinking.....
oh and for the record I did write some more ideas in my notebook today.

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Anti-Rape Condom Unveiled
The prototype of a new female condom is intended to identify rapists. The anti-rape device, called the "Rapex," hooks onto an attacker's penis, and can only be surgically removed.

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/ns/news/health.jsp?feature=newz_0805anti_rape
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Right off the bat the name is wrong. It won't prevent a rape because there has to be penetration for this thing to work. Also according to the report it should help the woman escape. As far as I'm concerned penetration isn't the only tramatic part of a rape. But I don't want to get into that right now. Is this sounding more like a band-aid solution??

Now this could be a good idea or a REALLY bad one. What if some bitch wants to get back at an ex or trap some poor schmuck then damn she can hook him and then scream rape and the guy is screwed both ways.

Yes I am thinking of the negative things first. It seems like a good idea on the surface but damn.

According to the video blurb (i actually had to watch a rolaids commercial before I saw the news article, how wierd was that?) It has been invented in South Africa where 1 in 9 pople have HIV (Fuck me 1 IN 9!!!!) This way women can protect themselves from STD and catch the attackers. Now there is a worry that this will cause more violence against women in retaliation.

I don't know. There is something wrong here. Like I said good theory but in reality? I'll have to let it perculate on the back burner a bit more.....

Oh yea the report also said the they haven't tested the Rapex yet.
Well duh.......Do you know any man that would willingly volunteer to have a dozen or so hooks jabbed into his penis and then have to have surgery to remove them?

The NFL is an anti aging syrum

What is it about the NFL that turns men in to adolecent assholes? Hubby spent the morning pacing around the house, the phone has rung off the hook, various football buddies phoneing to trade insults about Jerry Rice being the best wide reciever to this being "the year" for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
(I have to say that I have heard that statement every year for the past 10 years.)
And the insults! Now I can only truly hear the comments eminating from this side of the phone but I know he is getting as good as he gives. The lot of them revert back to an 18 year old mentality of mine is bigger/better/badder then yours. Sheesh. Not to mention that he is moody as hell, damn I don't swing that far on my nastier PMS days......I had better check my chocolate stash. If he has touched it he may not live to see kickoff.

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So I have been surfing around reading blogs of people I know...and know of. Damn. They are really interesting and fun and how the hell am I going to do anything like that. No way, not to mention why do I suddenly feel like I am in competition. I started this to vent off my own thoughts and now suddenly I worry about what someone who reads it might think.
Yes that is the same mentality that keeps my future books in my head and not on a publishers desk. It's easy to excuse procrastination as long as you keep telling yourself that you suck. But damn I don't. At least I don't think so.....

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Speaking of writing it has been weeks! Especially my RPG stuff. I love what I think of as play writing. But then I feel guilty for not doing any book stuff and if I try to concentrate on book stuff then I feel as if I am letting down my RPG partners. I have to do one or the other, obviously I can't concentrate on both. At least until I get the hang of it. Why do I feel so guilty?

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Yes book stuff. Okay I am going to use this blog as a kind of self motivation. I'll kick my self in the ass on days when I can and be inspired on days when I can't. rrrriiiiiiiggggghhhhh

The good news is I finally decided what to write. Or which idea to concentrate on. That was a 6 month hurdle. I was worried that I might have to stick with one time zone when my ideas span centuries. But then I (finally) asked myself if this was yet another elaborate, self sabotaging, form of procrastination?

Johanna Lindsey's books span centuries and light years, Julie Garwood has bounced around, Margaret Moore does mideavel and regency, Sherrilyn Kenyon writes under 2 different names and 2 different time periods. So why am I worrying. Why not just get one written then worry about the next set. yes my books come to me in sets. Dammit. Bloody hard to decided which is which at times since my thought processes bounce around both.

I finally decided on the 2 Regency period I have perculating. May have something to do with the Julia Quinn and Suzanne Enoch kick I have been on lately. Well there was some Angela Knight snuck in there too.

So I bought one of those 5 subject notebooks. Fist section will be devited to my plot ideas. Second to the Hero (cause I thought of him first) 3 to the Heroine, 4th~Secondary characters
5th will be the sequal ideas that hit me while I am brainstorming the first. Happily I have written a bit in each section today.

OKIES HERE IS THE GOAL>>>>>

By next Sunday I want to have the first chapter written. No more F**k'n around. If I'm going to do this then I WILL do it. *nodding furiously*

Right well I had better get started now.

A new hobby to obsess over is born...

Well for a first post this won't be much. Just somthing to get me started.

I have a feeling I'll be kicking my self in a few weeks for doing this. I tend to swing to extreams over my hobbies from complete obsession to procrastination. Although the idea of actually journaling again appeals to me. Especially when I have thoughts that I don't partucually feel comfortable telling those around me.

Guess that is the problem with being a pagan surrounded by Christians, you never know which one is holding a metaphoric torch behind their backs.

If asked why I am starting this....well football season is starting tomorow. Another 5 months of listening to stats and replays of the days game from my husband. Somthing I truly couldn't care less about but I try to be supportive so I nod and make encourging noises while letting my mind think about other things.

Hey maybe I should rename this blog..."Things I think about when my husband talks about football" That does have a ring of truth to it.