Saturday, September 30, 2006

I broke out in goosebumps...

So one of my girlfriends at work taped the first episode of Supernatural for me. I love her for it. My VCR has hasn't worked in ages. Yes I actually still used that ancient thing LOL

I was working evenings this week and wasn't home till after 10 meaning that I missed it. As soon as I got home last night I popped it into the VCR in my room and snuggled under the covers to watch. No I did not choose my bedroom just because of "Dean" (aka Jensen Ackles) but now that you mention it hhmmmm never mind.

Anyhoo that first episode is awesome. As I had read it picked up right at the moment that last season ended. I want to blab it all but I'm sure that many haven't seen it and I don't want to ruin it. I swear if you watch it you will be hooked for the season. I was completely floored by what they did with the story arc and it confirmed some suspicious that were raised last season. What an intense start. I'll be living from Thursday to Thursday now.

A friend is looking over my short story and dropped me a quick note to let me know that while there are some technical difficulities the plot and characters look good. I'm waiting on pins and needles to see what she has to say. I'm excited and terrified to read her opinion. I never let anyone read my stuff so turning it over for a critique has my guts in knots. LOL

Friday, September 29, 2006

Heading East....really East

In an on going attempt to find help for my oldest daughter we are heading farther East. Not actually moving physically but in our direction of medical aid. She's been going to an Eastern European Naturopath and that isn't working. Not to mention that fact that I have paid this woman almost $500 in the last two months. That's not why we are changing. I have followed the directions to the letter, making up lists on the fridge door so hubby will know how much to give her at what time and all that. But still she isn't sleeping, her frustration level is the highest I've seen in a long time, her outbursts at the school are rising and her self-esteem is falling.

I'm ready to tear my hair out. Had a lovely (snort) talk on the phone with her teacher this morning. She relayed everything my darling frustrating child has been doing in class. All I had to say was "Why didn't you call me?" Hubby was the one how called and left a message yeaterday for her just to touch base. I mean how can we help at home if we have not idea how distuptive she is being at school. Not the mention that teachers have a nack for making you (me) feel like the worse parent on the planet. Which is why I hate parent/teacher interviews. I'll save that tangent for another time.

There is a new Dr. in the mall near us that uses Chinese medicine and actupuncture. We're going to try that route and see if it helps. I have done research on the medications that the school suggested and refuse to put her on them. I don't know maybe it's just me put putting a pre-puberty, hormonal girl on mood altering drugs just doesn't seem the right idea. Call me crazy.

I'm also considering signing her up for some Yoga classes. Maybe if she learns how to calm herself she will be able to control herself a bit better. Right now she says she can't stop them they just happen.

Option A failed so now we are on to Option B and if that doesn't work then I'll figure out an Option C and so on. Until then I'll just keep hiding in my stories after my children go to bed.

Finished the short story and most edits, although I'm sure there will be many more before the 10th. Now I have to tackle the evil synopsis. Although I was thinking about is and a synopsis is really just like a book report I figure. I was good at those in school so I am not anticipating any real trouble, and will no doubt procrastinate until the last minute. LOL The reports I got the highest grades on were the ones I wrote the night before or on the bus on the way to school. Bazarre, but what ever works.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

An obvious avoidence of reality

Reality? What exactly is it? I heard it sucks, not interested in paying it any attention.

They're Back!!!!!!!!!!

Mark it on your calendar thrill seakers. This Thursday 9:oopm is the official beginning to the long awaited second season of 'Supernatural'. The first episode is called "In My Time Of Dying" and picks up right after the final episode last year "Devil's Trap". I never thought I would find a replacement for Buffy when they cancelled her but this show fills the void nicely. Best part is one of my coworkers is now addicted to it too (yes I corrupted her) so I will have someone else to babble endlessly with regarding what happens all year. I got Season One on DVD and have been we have been watching it during our lunch hours. LOL

Officially 14 days left till my submission deadline for my short story. I have the story down and need to smooth out the rough sections. I've left a 1,000 word buffer for tweeking and my overuse of adjectives. Although my creative side has taken a beating this week, I am endevoring to work over all of that. Since reality has no meaning for me today I hope to get as much done as possible.

Tomorrow is going to be a brutally emotional day which might burn me out for awhile. But that is tomorrow not today.

Today I plan to stay within the arms of my muse and let him handle reality with the point of his sword.

**added note**

Did you know there is actually a place called Mystic in Conneticut? I was planning on setting my story in New England. Since it has a paranormal theme, how could I not have it unfold it that town? Just perfect *G*

Monday, September 25, 2006

Guilt: (n) the little blob on my shoulder

I've started this post about 5 times. Trying to get the right side of my brain and the left side of my brain back in sinq. It's not working too well. I'm suffering from a lot of self inflicted guilt. I wonder if that's normal or I am just being neurotic.

I haven't broken down over my Aunts death yet. A very strange thing, especially for me who cries during really touching commercials. I figured that we all worked so hard on Saturday keeping it together so that the kids would never know, I kinda burned out my emotional switch. It's feels like I've been floating around the last 48 hours in a numbed state. Then I worry that maybe I am over her death already? I mean despite there only being 7 years between our ages we weren't very close. Even so how horrible would I be if it's true. (My family is a veritable plethora of disfunctionability. The reasons for the estrangement of myself and my aunt don't mean shit now.)

This morning I woke up, got the kids up, dressed, fed, kissed hubby goodbye, normal Monday morning stuff. I don't work till 2 so here I sit. I feel fine. I want to get some work done on my story, I have a few loads of laundry to do, kitchen to clean, pool to close. Normal, Normal, Noraml. Why do I feel so guilty about it?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Not exactly the best of times

Computer got sick last week. That is why I haven't updated in so long. Seems so insignificant now.

My aunt passed away unexpectedly last night so I am pretty fucked up right now. Why am I blogging? I'm venting as usual. Well it's that or curl up in a ball. Some things in life I just do not handle well. This is the big'un.

I'm trying to vent. It's my niece's birthday party today so all us adults are trying to keep it together. We didn't tell the kids, that can wait till tomorrow. I think that is all I'm going to write right now 'cause well I'm just a little too messed up.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

You let them watch what!!

My girls have reached the ages where I'm not a hundred percent sure what is and is not appropriate anymore. My husband on the other hand does not have the same hair trigger that I do. Essentially he lets them get away with more then I would. I've started wondering if perhaps I have gotten to the point that I'm I being overprotective?

Keep in mind that my girls are 7 and 9. If I had my way they would still be playing princess and watching Barbie movies. Even I know that is unrealistic for my 9 year old. I don't see anything wrong with keeping kids young. They grow up so goddamn fast already why rush it?? The other side to that coin in that in our world, the naive are taken advantage of.

So what triggered this rant you may ask? I got home from work today and my girls were all chatty about the shows that daddy let them watch *groan*

Now I watch both these shows on occasion and enjoy them. 'Mind Freak' is a little bazarre at times but essentially harmless. Let's face it Criss Angel is an amazing magician and a talented showman. The two of them weren't too impressed with the stunt where he cut himself in half. That creeped me a bit too. I started thinking the perhaps it wasn't so bad because it helped me talk to them about what was real and what wasn't. Sure it looked like he made the cat float and turn pages but it's just a trick. I don't think they believed me but it's a start.

Then there is DOG. A bit violent but he is catching bad guys and taking them to jail. He is sympathetic to others and I have to admit I do like the continual references to how important family is. My 7 year old loves Beth. After being asked why she said "'Cause she is the only girl and she catches bad guys." Good point.

So I have been flipping back and forth between giving hubby hell and resigning myself to the fact that it is ok to let the girls watch some shows that depict another side of life I keep them sheltered from. Just once in a while though.

Fact is: my babies are growing up and I'm not happy about it!

Friday, September 15, 2006

Why is being Healthy so expensive??

Wrote another cheque to the naturopath today OUCH!! I'm trying to do the right thing and help my daughter in a more health conscious way but F**k me! It's expensive. Not to mention the arguments when my daughter doesn't like how something tastes.
Today we discussed her diet and I was given a list of foods she can and can't eat. The main thing. No diary, No wheat and No sugar.

Have you ever noticed how expensive food is in the "healthy" section of the grocery store??

She's 9 what the hell else am I saposed to feed her! Personally I feel that making lunches for school is a form of torture, add to that the fact that I am limited in what I can put in there. aaarrrggghhhh (I'm just venting right now as you can tell.)

Well I guess we'll see what the next few weeks will bring. If it helps and keeps her off any sort of perscription and more importantly helps her sleep then wonderful. I can't wait.

On the writing front my graph moved very little but I was tweekeing some parts of what I had already written. So lots of review and rewriting but very little in the way of new works or great jumps in word counts. My goal is to be at the 12G mark by Monday night. That will leave me 3 weeks to edit it and get it ready for an actual submission. Just the thought makes my heart beat a bit faster.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Support Your Troops!!!!

Yesterday is a heart wrenching day for everyone. Today I read so many well written memorials that I managed to get myself all upset again. But today's upset is a more determined one. I want to help...not fight 'cause I would so suck at that. But supporting the troops that are overseas fighting. Not just those in the Middle East, I did some research and there are LOTS of troop deployments all over the world. Wars and peacekeeping missions that aren't under massive media coverage and get all but forgotten.

There are a lot of sites out there that send pakcages to troops overseas. The one I spent the most time on was They have links to lots of branches of the military. I tell you the Americans have TONS of sites to send suport to their troops. It was great to see

So far I haven't found a single one that sends care packages to CANADIAN troops. Are we as a country that lax is supporting the men and women wearing a red Maple Leaf. I hope I'm wrong about that, because I just feel sick about it. I have and Uncle in the Navy and I'll be emailing him to see if he knows of any sites.

That being said I did find one link. CFPSA Canadian Forces Personnel Support Agency. They don't have premade packages that can be ordered and mailed but what is stopping us from making a box up and sending it over?

I found a few addresses, packages can be addressed to "Any Canadian Soldier"

OP ARCHER - Afghanistan
OP ARCHER (5058)
Name / Rank
PO Box 5058 Stn Forces
Belleville ON K8N 5W6

OP BRONZE - Bosnia-Herzegovina
Banja Luka
Name / Rank
*Unit / Section
PO Box 5000 Stn Forces
Belleville ON K8N 5W6

PO Box 5237 Stn Forces
Belleville ON K8N 5W6

PO Box 5239 Stn Forces
Belleville ON K8N 5W6

All of this started when I read Joe Konrath's Blog and he wrote about sending books over to the troops. Such a simple idea and one that would be immensely appreciated I'm sure. I have a ton of old paperbacks in a box. So today I am boxing up a bunch of them and shipping one out to each of the address above.

No matter which country you live in SUPPORT YOUR TROOPS!!

**NOTE~ After further reading I discovered that if you send a package to "Any Canadian Soldier" It can only contain letters or it will be returned. That sounds so stupid to me. I'm going to look into it further. Maybe if I wrote on the side what the box contains that would be ok; because I was thinking of tossing in some microwave popcorn and hard candies and other little treats for them. I'll let you know what I find out.

Monday, September 11, 2006


I don't have to expand on what I have been remembering today. It's something that I'm sure was in a lot of thoughts. It's been 5 years and my chest still gets tight and my throat aches when I think about it. I remember the moment I found out about it. I was at work, we had just heard on the radio that there had been a crash in NYC. We all ran for the tv in the lunch room and while we stood there in shock the second plane hit.

Sometimes I think that I must be a terrible writer since I cannot put into words, what I felt/still feel. I can't imagine how the families of all the souls who passed on deal with it. Day to day I guess. The second most horrifying moment to that was when the first tower crumbled and the newscaster started yelling about how it was full of firemen and policemen. I still get teary just thinking about it.

We're lucky in that in this part of the world, being touched by such evil has a deep effect on us. For all those living in countries torn apart by war, it's a daily occurance.

I'm not trying to be depressing, but I needed to say something.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Taking a day off.

No your eye are not fooling you. My last word update was Thursday night. Does that mean I have stopped, Hell no. I'm just taking a bit of a break. I'm making good time, so I can afford a day or two to spare. I'll make it up tomorrow. There are a couple spots that concern me. Little details that will drive me nuts.

Funny thing is my normal hangups I don't seem to have a problem with. Names...check.
Location...check. I guess because I am working under guidelines I am stressing about that. Now really the guidelines are VERY general.

It has to be a Christmas story. Only 12,000 words.

Now how can someone stress about that? Welcome to my brain!

For now I am enjoying a glass of wine and the fact that tomorrow is my day off. I can sleep in (hahahahahahahaha) and putz around with my story all afternoon. When the girls aren't bugging me that is. Watch that count it will move tomorrow. It had better move tomorrow or I will really have something to stress about.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Just a spit over half way

It's getting there. I did a bit of a jump tonight. I was getting hung up on the details all day and I knew I had to get a good amount done in order to keep on schedule. So I jumped ahead a bit got the black moment and ending written.
Well more like a detailed sketch of it all; still a start that I can tweek and polish after it is all done.

Now usually I find naming my characters difficult but this time they agreed failry quickly. Holly and Brand. No I;m having a dispute over hair colour. I've written Holly as a blond and Brand with sandy brown hair. According to Holly this evening she has Red hair and Brand is the blond. *sigh* Not sure if I agree with her but for now I'm letting her have her way. She's a little bratty and I want to keep her talking.

I still fear I'm going to have too many words by the time it's done. Better too many then not enough I guess. I'll just be editing things out and tightening it up a bit here and there. Of course while I was writing I realized not only do I need a good detail why this is happening at Christmas but I also need an incantation of sorts or spell would be a better term. Dammit.

Well I'll worry about that later, next week. This week I am concentrating on getting the basic story done. Late next week I will add and improve my descriptive stuff. You know all the stuff that's not dialogue LOL.

I'll jsut leave a big ???? for that parts that need the actual spell and then I can add it later when it comes to me.

Sounds easy huh? I wish

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

12 thousand just isn't a whole lot anymore

I remember a few years back when I made my first attempt at serious writing. It was a contest put on by Harlequin. They had one of their authors write the beginning of a short story and then the contestants had to finish it less then 5 thousand words.

I remember thinking that 5 thousand was so much. I was used to doing RPG's, from 1 POV, where if you cranked out a few hundred it was considered a big post.

I got it done, still have it hidden somewhere too LOL. Not my greatest work (coughsucksrocks)but I am proud of the fact that the goodie two-shoes they had created as the hero; Well I managed to turn it around and make him a obsessed psychopath. The Heroine fell in love with the misunderstood tattoo ridden biker. *G* Obviously I didn't win. I will admit the writing is rough and riddled with gramatical mistakes. My only goal with that one was to actually enter it. It took me a good 20 minutes to hit the send button and then I panicked for another 20. But it was a learning experience.

I've attemped other small goals here and there. Accommplished a few. Missed a few. I did managed 50,000 in 30 days last year for NaNoWriMo. It was 35% crap but the rest of it morphed into "Believeing is Seeing". It's on the back burner now. I have to take a fresh look at it in a few weeks.

Oh damn I'm off track again. Right now I am working on 12 thousand and it's just not enough words. I am almost at 4 grand and the 2 main characters have just met. I have to get them into bed, fun/funky sex, fall in love, have a black moment and HEA in only 8 thousand words. Oh Shit!

The rational part of my brain suggested that I could just gloss over the sex part, do a closed door thing. My creative side is still laughing hysterically.

Man I have over a month to get it done and I am alredy stressing myself out. The black moment happens Christmas eve/Morning, but why? I mean it is a christmas story but the idea I have could occur at any given holiday not just the cold one so there fore what is the point. I have to get more detailed. I need a reason WHY Christmas and not any other holiday.

So far my creative side is stuffing its self with chocolate and my muse is off practicing with his sword. That's what I get for having a pagan muse. Stay tuned I'm sure I will have it all figured out by tomorrow.
...or maybe the next day
.....the weekend at the latest.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The dawn of a new school year YEH!!!

Officially ending the summer. *sad sigh*

The munchkins headed off to school today, armed with spaking new book bags, pencils, glue sticks and assorted gadgets. I just got home and am debating on pouring a blob of celebratory baileys in my coffee and doing a happy dance at the end of the driveway. You know if everyone on the street did it, that would be a hoot. I need to find a neighborhood where everyone is as strange as I am.

I need to get any extra exercise I can. We were at Ribfest this weekend. Aaarrggghhh *drooling. Damn it was soo good. The weather sucked rocks but surrounded by gallons of BBQ sauce no one cared LOL. I think this picture is from last year of a brief moment on Saturday when the sun made an appearance for about 3 minutes. I didn't take it I nicked it from a ribfest website. We were there on Sunday, overcast, rainy, but not as crowded. Smaller crowds means the line-ups are a bit shorter. So this year we hit "Bibbs Ribs" cause they rock every year. Also we tried "Porky's and Beans" Hubby has a new favourite. I managed to get 2 ribs out of the rack, almost lost a finger when grabbing the second.
Ribs to Hubby is like Truffles to Me.
As I've mentioned before I go for the beans *sigh* They kill your digestive system but damn they taste good. Only 360 more days till Ribfest 2007.

My word count is progressing along I am happy to say. So far I'm averaging about a grand a day which I figure is a good pace. That should give me (hopefully enough) time to tear it into pieces and get all the needed editing done.

Speaking of which I had better see why my fevered brain can come up with this morning. I've got a few hours before I have to be at work. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Monday, September 04, 2006

A rather Mathmatical morning...I need more coffee

Math is not really one of my strong points but I've always found the theorys interesting in small amounts LOL. There are a couple spacific numbers that show up in life regularly enough to really to spark my interest. The problem with math is that I can understand how something works in my head but not be able to put it into words. Which is why I'll pepper this post with links to places that can explaim it better then I

First is the Divine Proportion 1.618. Also known as Phi. It's really intereting how often this number shows up in nature. If you have ever read the Da Vinci Code then you know what I am talking about. For example of you take the measurement from your shoulder to your fingers and divide it by the measurement from your elbow to your fingers guess what you get?

Then there is the Number 3.
The Goddess - Maiden, Mother, Crone
The christian God - Father, Son, Holy Spirit
The three divisions of time - past, present and future.
The three persons in grammar - me, myself and I.
The three kingdoms of matter - animal, vegetable or mineral.

Then there is another favourite of mine the tv show Numb3rs It's one of the few that I actually watch out for the season premier.

What the hell is all this about you might ask? Well I have a new word count up and this is an elaborate way of trying to justify it. I think my brain works better if I work on 3 things at once. Yea that's it.
It's just for short term. I want to see if I can make a goal that was not set by me. So I have until the beginning of October to have a completed 12,000 word manuscript on somthing that has to do with Christmas.
Can I actually do it? Only time will tell. But if I can't then I really am going to have to take a good hard look at how committed I really am to the ultimate goal of being published.

Hobby or future career. I can't play forever.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Ernesto decided to come for a visit

And I can't wait till he leaves!!! Damn storm had to show up on the Labour Day weekend too. How rude. LOL

So today is chilly and rainy. More like what a May 2-4 weekend is like rather then the last 'hurrah' of the summer. This weekend is the annual "Ribfest" downtown. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Hopefully the rain will lay off for a couple hours tomorrow afternoon so we can go down. Who am I kidding we will go anyways, it will just be more fun if we aren't cold and wet.

Hubby goes for the meat, I don't mind that but my favourite part is the baked beans. mmmmmmmm beans on toast. My favourtie last year was from a place called "bibbs Ribs" If I remember correctly they are out of Naples Florida. There was another place too, I think it was called Camp 21...or Alabama 21 or they are from Alabama. I can't remember the name but I remember the BBQ.

So I'm planning to cozy up tonight in a fuzzy sweatshirt and ratty jeans and write. Might want to add a large glass of red wine or two as well. It is Saturday after all.