Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Samhain!!!

Yup that is me and my two munchkins. The 'not-so-evil' gypsy and the diva ghost. Both original ideas by my creative offspring. I love that hat, had to bend down a bit for the picture, I was afraid the top would get chopped off in the picture if I stood straight. It looks like an owl lives in the peak. The cape is purple velvet with a green satin lining that my mum made for me to wear the day I got married. Has an oversized hood as well, very medieval, I love it.

Trick or Treating was fun as it usually is. This is the one day that I find you get the best chance to meet your neighbors. And find out the houses you should avoid. Like the one that is around the corner that was handing out christian pamphlets with their candy. Something I will likely rant about another day but not today. I believe ending this year by bitching sets the wrong tone for the beginning of the next.

So my children have been banished to their rooms in hopes that they work off their sugar high by tormenting each other before they crash. Both walked for almost 1.5 hours tonight, before finally dragging their costumed butts home. Hubby and I tag teamed, I took them out first and he handed out candy for an hour then we switched.

As for me, as soon as the house quietens a bit then I will have a wee circle of my own.

Found an interesting page for the holiday on a celtic site, actually it was the 'Apple and the Mirror' I thought looked fun. Even witches like to play sometimes.

I have a beautiful book called "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews. Bought it years ago, stuck it on my shelf, and that is where it has stayed. It's one of those books that has a page for ever day of the year. I've flipped through it a liked some of the things I've read but I think this is the year I'll read it. Don't know why, it just feels like it is time.

Found a Samhain ritual and I really like one of the blessings

"As the New Year is born, we are all reborn
With new hopes and dreams.
Guide me in the future as in the past.
Give me strength and courage,
Knowledge and fulfillment,
Assist me as I attempt to achieve my goals."


It's a new year tomorrow, fuck what ever bad happened last year, time to let it go. I'm facing a 50,000 word challenge beginning at 12:00 tonight. I may stay up and write a couple paragraphs just for good luck.

Brightest Blessings everyone!!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

On the cusp of new year!!

Yes tomorrow is the end of the year in my eyes, Samhain my favourite holiday!!
I like to think that it should be a quiet day, used reflecting on what I have accomplished in the past year and what I would like to do in the coming one. (Actually I didn't accomplish much of what I wanted to in the last 12 months so I hope my track record is better for the next 12.) But it looks like it will be hectic as hell starting out with eye appointments for the girls in the morning, laundry, bills and getting costumes and such together for tomorrow night. Normal Monday craziness.

At least it's my day off so I should be able to carve out some 'me' time in the afternoon for the god/dess' that help me though life.


Mary Stella sent out an email regarding "National Novel Writing Month"(aka NaNoWriMo) on one of the loops I belong too and I think this is the best way to start my year. I've often complained that I've always worked better under pressure and hopefully this kind of deadline will help give me the kick in the ass I need.

Since I signed up last night, I've rollar coastered from excitement to "what the fuck!'
50,000 words in 30 days. Shit!
At best if I can crank out 2,000 a day that will leave me 5 days to correct spelling and try to make sense out of the crap I have written.

Technically You have to start from scratch. That's the rules. Now there are no Nanowrimo police that will hunt you down if you you start the month 4,000 words into a manuscript, just your own conscience and I've been fighting mine all day. Hubby thinks I'm nuts, why not just keep going with what I have started. At the word count right now It's a glorified outline of the first 4 chapters.

How many time have I mentioned my overinflated guilty conscience? Yea well it's in high gear. What if I go ahead with what I have and just make sure I am at 54,000 by the end of the month? I would have done 50G's. OR I could start with the sequal to my current WIP and follow the rules and not risk any possible negative novel karma.
I now have 28 hours 5 minutes left to make up my mind.

How many of you think that I will follow the rules and start fresh.... where did the rebellious badass that once resided in my head go?


Ok yes I know it's another one, but this is in honour of Hallowe'en. Name decoders are almost as much fun as quizzes.

Fearsome Evil Yokel-Reaping Horror from the Isle

Drinking: Frutopia 'Tangerine Wavelength'

Friday, October 28, 2005

I need WQA

Web Quiz Anonmous! The following I plan to blame completely on Beth Ciotta. Look to the left of this screen and down just a bit under Creative Spaz. She had them on her blog and of course I couldn't not do them.

Your Alias Should Be:

Perla Emilia

Hmmm Interesing name?? Kinda cool actually

Your Celebrity Style Twin is Jessica Simpson

Flirty, feminine, and fun.

Jessica Simpson? Well yea, I do like her clothes, I just wish I had her body!!!

Your Nail Polish Color is Purple

How you're unique: You are artistic and expressive

Why your style rocks: You pay special attention to color and fabrics

What this color says about you: "I'm creative and know how to take care of myself"

Like I could resist anythnig that has to do with nailpolish!!!

Monday, October 24, 2005

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

"The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy" has been on my reading list for almost 2 decades. One of those books that I keep meaning to read but never get around to for one reason or another. Even when the movie came out I refused to see it because I didn't to ruin the story for myself.

So when one of my co-workers came back from a trip to Europe raving about this book he read it just charged me up again and 42 thanks to Krys for handing the book over last Friday and letting me borrow it.

It has to be one of the most creative things I have ever read. I'm actually sitting in the lunchroom at work laughing out loud. Poor Arthur, the man is thrown into the most amazing adventure and it isn't till the last page when he finally passes the "What the Fuck!" stage and is able to deal with what is going on.

Can I name my favourite part of the book, yea sure the part between the front and back cover. LOL Now I'm sure many people might disagree with me, I mean it doesn't have the strongest plot, and it ends rather abruptly; but what creativity! The ideas that he comes up with and his discriptions make it easy to imagine the worlds he created.

According to the author it is a trilogy in 5 parts; I can't wait to get the rest of the books.

Douglas Adams 1952-2001

<strong>How should prospective writers go about becoming an author?
DA: First of all, realise that it's very hard, and that writing is a gruelling and lonely business and, unless you are extremely lucky, badly paid as well. You had better really, really, really want to do it. Next you have to write something. Unless you are committed to novel writing exclusively, I suggest that you start out writing for radio. It's still a relatively easy medium to get into because it pays so badly. But it is a great medium for writers because it relies so much on the imagination. You will learn a tremendous amount from it, and maybe get some useful exposure.
What qualities are needed by an author?
DA:A determination to keep at it.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Mental Health Day

I took what I like to refer to as a mental health day today. Actually I was 3 hours into my shift and thought "I can't handle this shit today" So out came the creative process and next thing I know I'm calling hubby telling him to call me in 5 minutes.

My name gets paged over the intercom, I answer phone then go and tell manager my mentally rehersed pack of bald faced lies over why I have to leave. Do I feel bad, maybe a little but then I have always had an overblown guilty conscience. Truth is I would have had to work with my SOB asst manager.
Now am I an adult, yes.
Could I have worked the shift with him. Yes of course.
BUT Instead of his comming to me and saying something as simple as "I need to to take care of the office stuff for me" or something to that effect in 10 words of less. Then I would have stayed and done it no biggie. Instead he places a casual employee in charge of the office, the safe, all cashes, and ringing on and off of cashiers. When I heard that, my decision was made.

I don't need to elaborate his opinion of anyone in my job position. He thinks we are all useless and stupid. *snort* Don't see him writing exam after exam to do this job.
But of course according to him he do my job *snapping fingers* "Like That". I've watched him deal with customers, he bullshits and tells them what they want to hear.

Like I've said the man is a 40 year old adolesent bully. Still to this day I don't know what it was that caused his opinion of me to turn, or if it is even personal. There was a time that we got along great. He is that moody and I'm not one to put up with it, so over time i got sick of trying to figure out his moods and he snapped at me once freaking and swearing over nothing. So after that I figured Fuck'em. Now over time as it has become obvious that he doesn't get a reaction out of me, he has gotten nastier and nastier as was proven last Saturday.

Does it bother me, Fuck ya. Look this is the second post that is devoted to bitching about him. I miss the joking around we used to do back when I was in his good books. I'll be the first to say I carry a grudge but even for me eventually if fades and all that is left is me being stubborn about it.

Still my tummy cringes when I pull into the parking lot and see his car. And my store just isn't as much fun anymore. I'm actually looking forward to getting transferred, as long as it's a store closer to home of course. If not, then I hope he gets transferred out and I get to stay.

Monday, October 17, 2005

All I want for Chistmas....

If the child looses any more teeth she'll be eating nothing but soup! That's three in the last month. LOL

Saturday, October 15, 2005

I am ranting,cover your ears

OH MY GODS!! Could a day suck more then mine did today! I think not. Right from the moment I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, to the asshole asst. manager absolutly FREAKING out and swearing at another employee for helping me with my release today. (Note: Said asshole manager and I do not get along. Infact I ignor his presence on the planet which I am sure irritates his over inflated ego, which is why I do it.) I was so mad I actually got teary at work. I get emotional when I am truly pissed. (another note: I do not cry in front of anyone! So if I have tears in my eyes, get away fast because my temper is about to blow) It wasn't fair that Jeff was just trying to help me and for that he got in trouble. Honestly just thinking about it gets me angry again. I have lodged how many complaints with the manager, but I keep getting
"What do you want me to do about it?" Fucker.

You have to realize that my asst. asshole is a very intelligent man. He would never speak to me that way because he know I would nail his ass to the wall in a heartbeat. So instead he plays the game and mutters comments just low enough that I know what he said but not 100% sure. Bottom line is he is an adolecent 40+ year old, arrogant, self absorbed, and I truly think incredibly insecure. That would be why he insisted on making himself out to be the 'hero' all the time, you know that type, comes in early , stays late, skips lunches, all the while making sure that EVERYONE knows what he is giving up. For all his intelligence he is an idiot. The company we work for doesn't care. He hasn't realize that he is a NUMBER! They would fire his ass tomorrow if we didn't have a union and replace him the next day. Head office doesn't care a shit what he does and yet he keeps working himself like a dog and making everyones life around him miserable. Except for the select few he deems worthy of his good humour and believe me that list changes on a daily basis because I have never met a moodier man in my life!

So that set the tone for my day that never ended, then tonight which I thought was going to be a night that I met with the other 'sparks' leaders in my group for a coffee but I got my dates screwed up, it was next Saturday not this one. So I drank half a coffee by myself in the coffee shop feeling like a moron because I didn't bring a book with me. I so rarely get to go out anymore that I was really looking forward to tonight. Sitting alone in a coffee shop made me feel patheric and like a loser. Nice to know those lovely teenage insecurities haven't left yet. Fuck I'm almost 35 you would think I would stop worrying by now.

So I am about 3/4 way through a ok bottle of wine. As I said this day has been the shits so it was par for tha course when the bottle I opened ( a 99 Folinari Valpolicella Ripasso) isn't anywhere near as good as I had hoped. I've been saving this one with much higher expectations, Fuck! I should have opened one of the younger ones that I know I enjoy.

Now while I am not completely intoxicated I wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car at the moment. Having said that I'm sure I wouldn't have ranted have as much had I written this while sipping my first glass. Then there is always the "I will delete this embarassing crap tomorrow" While possible I hope I don't.

This blog was saposed to be my outlet for thoughts and rants and general frustratedness that I felt I couldn't tell anyone else. If I take out a post I typed while somewhat (alot) under the influence, Am I compromising my original plan? Do I really give a shit at the moment?

Hell no one reads this but me at the moment so why not vent all I want, and swear all I want, maybe one day someone will read it and think "Hey I feel like that sometimes! I'm not the only onel"

Oh wow that just gave me an interesting thought, what if I am writing a blog that I wish I could read. maybe I am looking to see if there is someone out there that thinks like me and I am not just a freak....damn remants of my adolescence talking again. ever see 'Breakfast Club" I so related to the wierd chick dressed in black sitting in the back. Only I never got the jock.

Fuck I don't know. I do know that I am sober enough to correct my spelling on this damn thing, which means I haven't drank enough so I'm going to go refill my glass then attack my hubby and bit g'day to this shit day!!!!!

At least that no matter what adolescent inscecurities that still hang around my subconscience, or what negative feelings may feel on a regular basis. I am blassed to have a hubby who loves me for who I am. (Although I wonder sometimes if he really knows)

Honestly forget this woah is me cry baby bullshit, I'm going to refill my glass and hopefully the hangover I have tomorrow will distract me from what ever residual shit remains from today.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Winter is looming...

AACCCKKK!!! There was Eggnog in the grocery store today!!! can you believe it! Damn that get put out earlier and earlier each year because I so cannot think of those crazy holidays right now. Sheesh. So in retaliation I am posting a picture of the lake outside our friends cottage. Another beautiful day 30+deg day. In the corner you can see the floating island the kids were playing on and of course my gorgeous puppy Karma. Ok I feel better now ;o)

One small step for a novice blogger....

Finally It worked!!! To be honest I have no idea what I did this time that I haven't done the other dozen times but what ever was causing the "error on page" is no longer erroring and I am free to illistrate my comments and opinions with what ever I want....Of coruse at this exact moment I really don't hold an opioning on anything other then to say "I'm cold" and I miss the summer already.

Yes ok it is only 15 deg outside and in the spring, that is a good temp when I am cold and it makes me feel wamer. Not the effect today. So I'm off to bake myself in a hot shower before I start my mountain of errans I have to run today before sparks tonight.

We are taking the girls to the big firestation here in town with the training facility out back. Well you know what that means. Big Firestation = Big Firemen. At least I am hoping for a little eye candy. Have to remember to take pictures ;o)

Oh and before I forget the picture above was taken up at the cottage this summer on one of those glorious 30 deg days. The dragonflys were HUGE up there, and no matter how long I sat still not one landed on me. Except for the time one landed on my ass while I was pouring salt on 2 of the kids legs to get the leeches off them. I panicking and fighting my own fears and that is when one lands on me. My girlfriend got a picture of it, and one day I hope she remembers to email it to me.

I guess that is one thing I find amazing about motherhood. I have a paralizing fear of leeches. If one was on me I would completely freak out, but when the kids came out of the water and we saw the big one on little man's leg, I just calmly ran to the cottage and got the salt. While pouring we realized the tiny little flesh coloured things on both his and my youngest's legs were also leeches, we managed to get them both cleaned off and deleeched in no time and with out freaking the kids out too much.

Of course after that we both had the shakes, a cry and then a cold vodka cooler. When the daddies returned we told them that next time we are going out and they get to deal with any and all crisis.

Monday, October 10, 2005

My computer is my own worst enemy

I have come to the conclusion that I have two choices. Either give up the writing dream or pick up a cheap laptop with NO internet ability.

Maybe I have A.D.D. because honestly I sit down at this damn thing and poof, I check the blogs I like to read, play a game or to on Neopets, email some people, do research then suddenly it is time for bed and I have lost out on another evening.

I spend my days thinking of book scenes and blogs I want to write but when I sit down here I get distracted. Maybe that's just it, I'm not meant to write things, I just like to daydream....I really do like to daydream but it's the characters I create and the scenes that form in my mind. *sigh*

But then as soon as I sit down to write...oh look a bird.....and I'm off checking out something else.

Then again there is still the fact that as much as I like to fool myself into thinking I have decided on which time period to write, the others interfere. It's hard enough to keep both regencys stright in my head, the contemporary one keeps popping in there. Thank the gods my medeval characters have chosen to stay quiet. I might go mad otherwise.

Perhaps decaf wil help....


Ever have one of those moments when you realized that someone you hold in awe is actually human. I don't mean in a negative way, example I was reading Mary Stella's blog tonight and she was talking about wines and sounded like any normal person that I help at work. I had one of those moments then.

I know I sound silly being amazed by that, of course she is a normal person, just cause she is a PUBLISHED author, and I LOVE her books..... i guess it's one of those... 'She's normal and I'm kinda normal and if she was brave enough to write a book and got published then maybe I can too.'

Of course I would have to actually write the damn thing instead of dreaming of it all the time.

**3rd cup of coffee , not shaking yet

Monday, October 03, 2005

What colour best describes you?

Just a bit of fun for a Monday morning.... It's a really easy test that takes less then a minute and its scarey how close the results are to my personality and then there is the fact that is one of my favourite colours. Spooky

you are thistle

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.
the html color quiz

**Vanilla Earl Grey Tea is steeping

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Never argue about Religion...

I am so sick and tired of getting religious propaganda sent through my email and from someone who knows my religious beliefs.

Most times I just blow it off with a "it's the thought that counts" or well that is a sweet thought and would be nicer if sent with sincerity and not as a chain letter. But tonight I'm just not in the mood and when I opened it I kinda snapped.

This one is the about a religious minister/reporter who nails a Muslim leader on the definition of infadel and the holy war, ending with this leader saposedly hanging his head in shame. Right there you know it's a crock and lie. If this "leader" was a true religious fanatic he never would have lowered his eyes to someone he seems less then worthy. Not that it matters I'm just tired of everyone spreading hate through "Helpful" or "Eye-opening" crap!

So me being me and my flaring temper I 'replied all' and wrote

"Need I remind you who was behind the Spanish Inquisitions, the American Witch hunts and the country of Ireland bombing the shit out of itself for the last century? While I think that radical Muslims as whacked out as most sociopaths, I don't think that Christians are in any position to make any sort of comments without taking a good long look at themselves in the mirror.

The forwarding of religious propaganda only increases the fear and hate between us all.

Allah or Jesus?

How about I choose neither? "

*sigh* I should have kept my mouth closed. I have now recieved 2 emails back from the person who sent it to me. First backpeddleing and now defending herself. Why do I bother arguing? I know better? When will I learn to keep my mouth closed and just hit the delete button?

*banging head on desk*

**yet another coffee