Saturday, October 15, 2005

I am ranting,cover your ears

OH MY GODS!! Could a day suck more then mine did today! I think not. Right from the moment I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, to the asshole asst. manager absolutly FREAKING out and swearing at another employee for helping me with my release today. (Note: Said asshole manager and I do not get along. Infact I ignor his presence on the planet which I am sure irritates his over inflated ego, which is why I do it.) I was so mad I actually got teary at work. I get emotional when I am truly pissed. (another note: I do not cry in front of anyone! So if I have tears in my eyes, get away fast because my temper is about to blow) It wasn't fair that Jeff was just trying to help me and for that he got in trouble. Honestly just thinking about it gets me angry again. I have lodged how many complaints with the manager, but I keep getting
"What do you want me to do about it?" Fucker.

You have to realize that my asst. asshole is a very intelligent man. He would never speak to me that way because he know I would nail his ass to the wall in a heartbeat. So instead he plays the game and mutters comments just low enough that I know what he said but not 100% sure. Bottom line is he is an adolecent 40+ year old, arrogant, self absorbed, and I truly think incredibly insecure. That would be why he insisted on making himself out to be the 'hero' all the time, you know that type, comes in early , stays late, skips lunches, all the while making sure that EVERYONE knows what he is giving up. For all his intelligence he is an idiot. The company we work for doesn't care. He hasn't realize that he is a NUMBER! They would fire his ass tomorrow if we didn't have a union and replace him the next day. Head office doesn't care a shit what he does and yet he keeps working himself like a dog and making everyones life around him miserable. Except for the select few he deems worthy of his good humour and believe me that list changes on a daily basis because I have never met a moodier man in my life!

So that set the tone for my day that never ended, then tonight which I thought was going to be a night that I met with the other 'sparks' leaders in my group for a coffee but I got my dates screwed up, it was next Saturday not this one. So I drank half a coffee by myself in the coffee shop feeling like a moron because I didn't bring a book with me. I so rarely get to go out anymore that I was really looking forward to tonight. Sitting alone in a coffee shop made me feel patheric and like a loser. Nice to know those lovely teenage insecurities haven't left yet. Fuck I'm almost 35 you would think I would stop worrying by now.

So I am about 3/4 way through a ok bottle of wine. As I said this day has been the shits so it was par for tha course when the bottle I opened ( a 99 Folinari Valpolicella Ripasso) isn't anywhere near as good as I had hoped. I've been saving this one with much higher expectations, Fuck! I should have opened one of the younger ones that I know I enjoy.

Now while I am not completely intoxicated I wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car at the moment. Having said that I'm sure I wouldn't have ranted have as much had I written this while sipping my first glass. Then there is always the "I will delete this embarassing crap tomorrow" While possible I hope I don't.

This blog was saposed to be my outlet for thoughts and rants and general frustratedness that I felt I couldn't tell anyone else. If I take out a post I typed while somewhat (alot) under the influence, Am I compromising my original plan? Do I really give a shit at the moment?

Hell no one reads this but me at the moment so why not vent all I want, and swear all I want, maybe one day someone will read it and think "Hey I feel like that sometimes! I'm not the only onel"

Oh wow that just gave me an interesting thought, what if I am writing a blog that I wish I could read. maybe I am looking to see if there is someone out there that thinks like me and I am not just a freak....damn remants of my adolescence talking again. ever see 'Breakfast Club" I so related to the wierd chick dressed in black sitting in the back. Only I never got the jock.

Fuck I don't know. I do know that I am sober enough to correct my spelling on this damn thing, which means I haven't drank enough so I'm going to go refill my glass then attack my hubby and bit g'day to this shit day!!!!!

At least that no matter what adolescent inscecurities that still hang around my subconscience, or what negative feelings may feel on a regular basis. I am blassed to have a hubby who loves me for who I am. (Although I wonder sometimes if he really knows)

Honestly forget this woah is me cry baby bullshit, I'm going to refill my glass and hopefully the hangover I have tomorrow will distract me from what ever residual shit remains from today.

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