Small Towns suck!!!!!!!

Don't ask about writing!!!! I am stressing big time today!

My poor Granny fell down on Thursday and broke her collarbone, and the hospital sent her to see an orthapedic surgeon yesterday and the damn place was closed! Can you believe it. Now she has to wait till MONDAY!!! She's in a lot of pain and thanks to the incredibly small amout of doctors in this country; she has to suffer and wait. God! What if it starts to mend incorrectly and she suffers worse. All she has are Tylenol 3 with codiene which are hurting her tummy and she doesn't like anyways.

If only she was living in a bigger city even London for gods sake, hell my mum should have gotten on her self centered ass and driven her to Toronto!!! Grrr Enough about her; she is on my serious shit list as opposed to my mild shit list.

I've been upset all day thinking about it, I wish she lived closer but a 3.5 hour dive is a bit far. At least I could chat with her tonight and fill her in on the girls exploits and make her laugh a bit. Laughter is the best medicine isn't it? I hope it helped but she was giggling so much I was afraid she would hurt herself.

My oldest wrote her a poem. Bloody brillent if you ask me and Gran agrees but we are a bit biased.

Granny Ann:

Trannosaurus Rex is red
Dilopagus is blue
I hope you feel better
very very soon.

Love T......

Yes I know I spelled the names wrong. (Lookover the archives spelling isn't my strong suite.) She also drew picture of her favourite dinosaurs to go with it. My gran laughed so much when I read it to her, she can't wait to get the letter.

Note to self: DON'T FORGET TO MAIL IT TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My youngest got on the phone and told her all about loosing her 'fiveth' tooth and how the toothfairy was really busy last night and couldn't make it to the house but mummy says she will tonight.

Yes I am the horrible one who has suffered a mountain of guilt for dropping the ball on that one. I can't forget tonight after the elaborate excuse we fed her and she thankfully bought. Oh have to add her poem "i love you and i love you" She doesn't know all that many words on her own yet. I think it is quite excellent for a first attempt

Drinking: Capel Vale Cabernet Sauvignon 2001 (Western Australia) Loving it!!!!!!!

My new thing for the blog I will add what ever I happen to be drinking at the time. Not for any good reason, just cause.

Friday, Friday, Friday!!

Woo Hoo...... Wait I don't like Fridays that much. My Friday is like everyone elses Thursday. You can see the end in sight but aren't quite there. Really it's just a tease because I'll be a work at 8am tomorrow morning. At least my asshole assistant manager has the day off.

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My youngest lost her front tooth after much tugging and wiggling, then promptly lost it. Hubby and I tore apart the sofa and surrounding furniture all to the sounds of my baby's heart breaking...at 500 decibels. I rememeber how important newly lost teeth are to kids but my drama queen just figured it was her moment to shine and we got the works.

Sobbing, wailing, collapsing on the sofa, more sobbing, screaming when mummy told her to knock it off. A trip to her bedroom for a time out and then we got the "I'm sorry for being naughty but now the toothfairy will NEVER come..." accompanied by more sobbing.

Of course we made the suggestion that if she wrote the tooth fairy a note or drew her a picture then perhaps that would be enough. Yea like that worked. SO after what felt like hours of carrying on, I gave up and went upstairs to get dinner ready. And Guess what I found on the kitchen counter.

One small white front tooth. I think I'll ground her till the next one comes out....

Geez how much do the front ones go for theese days?
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Ok so on the book front I'm no father then I was yeasterday but I am getting this out of my system now and planning on writing for the rest of the evening.
As soon as I get my charming, melodramatic children off to bed that is.

Ideas, Ideas, Ideas

So I 've been trying to put pictures up on this blog and can't get any of them to come through. Very frustrating. The download pages goes fine, I choose the file and then it says error on page at the bottom and no picture. Grrrr. I know it's gonna turn out to be something simple that I am missing.

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Got the Pedigree finished for my characters. Damn it took me an entire night sorting through names and titles. Seeing which I liked and what would fit the story. I tried to tell myself that all that work should count towards my weekend goal; but then my rarely heard firm side argued that while it is reseach it is not writing. Therefor doesn't count. damn, arguing with ones self never solves anything

So while I don't have the words down. I have a good idea what will happen in the prologue and the beginning of the first chapter. I did come to the conclusion that writing the prologue counts. Now I just have to write it.

To tired to think of something witty

I am exhausted. Plain and simple and it looks like I won't be able to catch up on my sleep until the day after I retire........ *wailing* that's another 25+ years from now!

Well my oldest's anxiety level is up again so she isn't sleeping again which means mummy isn't sleeping through the night either. Nothing like having an 8 yr old prowling around the house to keep one awake. I know if I let her sleep with me she will sleep (i won't) but then I don't want her to develop that crutch. She needs to be able to sleep on her own, but I can't keep fighting this at 3am.

I know a lot has to do with the new house and school but she seems fine during the day. Of course I remember waking up in themiddle of the night as a child feeling terrified and alone and trying to crawl in with my sister. I really don't want her to grow up and end up with the anxiety problems I have suffered through as an adult. The thing is there really isn't anything I can do for her except try to make her feel as safe as possible and support her but allow her to develope her independance.

Right..... so in a nut shell I have to hold her, comfort her at the same time push her away and force her to stand on her own two feet. No wonder she and I are so goddamn confused. We are just going in circles.

One doctor mentioned putting her on medication, Over my dead body.

I did hear about a homeopathic doctor in Mississauga that apparently specializes in children's health. I have to check that out.

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Sparks start next week!!! Due to cutbacks there are only 2 groups running in our area this year and other cities are suffering as well. There are 4 leaders including myself and we have 20 girls. It's such a shame because there is a waiting list a mile long and the reason that these little girls can't join is because there just isn't enough leaders.

PLEASE!!! If you can, the GirlGuides is an amazing organization that encourages self respect and confidence. It's only an hour once a week with a bit of time for planning meetings but that doesn't take long at all. BE A LEADER!!!!!

http://www.girlguides.ca/

Another Football Sunday

Sunday ritual have begun. Hubby's best friend comes over, I bail with children and go shopping with hubby's bestfriend's wife. I think I'm going to like Sunday afternoons this year.

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I am all proud of myself. Finally got to the computer store and pickup a new cd-rom since the old one went on the fritz almost a year ago. I coughed up $10 and installed it!!
**patting myself on the back**
It wasn't that hard, just remember what screws you take out, put them back in the same place. What you unplug from the old, plug into the new, restart. *whoala* We are in business.

Hmmm maybe I'll get into computers when I grow up.

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Thought about 'south beaching' again. Then after drowning that horrendous thought with a large caramel frappicino, I started wondering why I would want to look like stick girl again? Okay so right now I am carrying about 15 extra pounds, and I am about 30 lbs heavier then the day I got married. BUT I'm healthy, I haven't had a serious panic attack since I gained the weight. Considering my height (5'10") it's not that noticeable....well ok maybe it is ;o)

The fashion industry uses 16 and 17 year old girls to showcase their stuff. They are underweight, haven't had children, barely through puberty, and yet most women (and I am guily of this as well) wish that we looked that 'good'. And the really sick part is we all *know* that the pictures are airbrushed. We *know* that the vast majority are bulimic/anorexic. We *know* that it is not normal to look like that when you are in your mid 30's and have visited the delivery room on 2 seperate occasions.

And still I wish my tummy was flatter, my ass firmer and the 'girls' perkier.

Okay and before anyone suggests I join a gym.
*flipping the bird* oops where did that come from

If I had the time or extra energy perhaps but I want to enjoy life and not get caught on the tredmill of working out; because I have a feeling if I was fine with my tummy, ass, and 'girls' Then I wouldn't like my arms or thighs, or neck .....

So I will be happy with me, the way that I am. Right.

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*bouncing excitedly* Gonna go work the Harvest at Henry of Pelham this year. Okay so not all will find excitement at the prospect of crawling through a vinyard hand picking grapes. I'm looking forward to it. I learn by doing and while I know the technicalities of winemaking, doing this will help cement it in my brain. Also it sounds like fun!.

Just think I am on the list to pick icewine this winter and am looking forward to that as well.

Hubby thinks I'm mental....he's just figuring it out after all this time?

It's Saturday already!

I can't believe how the week has flown. Well ok I didn't make my first deadline, so I am granting myself a Mulligan. I'll have the first chapter of one of those damn books written by next Saturday. If I could get it started I'm sure I'd be fine. *coughcough*

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So have to say I am addicted to E-Books. Love them, having a great time reading them, spending way to much on them. At least with paperbacks I have to drive to Chapters to get the ones on want. Hell point and click is way to easy and my butt is getting numb from sitting in this uncomfortable computer chair. I think I know what I want for Chirstmas. One of those Personal readers so I can download my books on it. I'm petrified that I will crash my computer and loose the ones I have bought. I really should pick up some disks and download an extra copy just in case.

www.loose-id.com
www.triskelionpublishing.com

hmmmm now if I could actually write a book then prehaps I can explore my contemporary paranormal idea with them.... NO! Regency first! or at least started

A fantasy crushed

Messier retired yesterday.

This means he will never wear a Leaf uniform....

First the lockout then this!! I don't know if I will ever watch hockey again?!

What's next? Shanahan announces he plays for the 'other' team. Not that there is anything wrong with that but a girl can only have so many fantasies crushed.

And no I haven't written anything yet and I am running out of time. Despite my best efforts to get somthing started. My brain has been purkulatin the sequal. Have some great insites into my herione. I think I may sit in the tub tonight and see if I can get a rough plot down.

Anti Rape Condom?

Yes I should be writing I know, Piss off. This has got me thinking.....
oh and for the record I did write some more ideas in my notebook today.

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Anti-Rape Condom Unveiled
The prototype of a new female condom is intended to identify rapists. The anti-rape device, called the "Rapex," hooks onto an attacker's penis, and can only be surgically removed.

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/ns/news/health.jsp?feature=newz_0805anti_rape
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Right off the bat the name is wrong. It won't prevent a rape because there has to be penetration for this thing to work. Also according to the report it should help the woman escape. As far as I'm concerned penetration isn't the only tramatic part of a rape. But I don't want to get into that right now. Is this sounding more like a band-aid solution??

Now this could be a good idea or a REALLY bad one. What if some bitch wants to get back at an ex or trap some poor schmuck then damn she can hook him and then scream rape and the guy is screwed both ways.

Yes I am thinking of the negative things first. It seems like a good idea on the surface but damn.

According to the video blurb (i actually had to watch a rolaids commercial before I saw the news article, how wierd was that?) It has been invented in South Africa where 1 in 9 pople have HIV (Fuck me 1 IN 9!!!!) This way women can protect themselves from STD and catch the attackers. Now there is a worry that this will cause more violence against women in retaliation.

I don't know. There is something wrong here. Like I said good theory but in reality? I'll have to let it perculate on the back burner a bit more.....

Oh yea the report also said the they haven't tested the Rapex yet.
Well duh.......Do you know any man that would willingly volunteer to have a dozen or so hooks jabbed into his penis and then have to have surgery to remove them?

The NFL is an anti aging syrum

What is it about the NFL that turns men in to adolecent assholes? Hubby spent the morning pacing around the house, the phone has rung off the hook, various football buddies phoneing to trade insults about Jerry Rice being the best wide reciever to this being "the year" for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
(I have to say that I have heard that statement every year for the past 10 years.)
And the insults! Now I can only truly hear the comments eminating from this side of the phone but I know he is getting as good as he gives. The lot of them revert back to an 18 year old mentality of mine is bigger/better/badder then yours. Sheesh. Not to mention that he is moody as hell, damn I don't swing that far on my nastier PMS days......I had better check my chocolate stash. If he has touched it he may not live to see kickoff.

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So I have been surfing around reading blogs of people I know...and know of. Damn. They are really interesting and fun and how the hell am I going to do anything like that. No way, not to mention why do I suddenly feel like I am in competition. I started this to vent off my own thoughts and now suddenly I worry about what someone who reads it might think.
Yes that is the same mentality that keeps my future books in my head and not on a publishers desk. It's easy to excuse procrastination as long as you keep telling yourself that you suck. But damn I don't. At least I don't think so.....

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Speaking of writing it has been weeks! Especially my RPG stuff. I love what I think of as play writing. But then I feel guilty for not doing any book stuff and if I try to concentrate on book stuff then I feel as if I am letting down my RPG partners. I have to do one or the other, obviously I can't concentrate on both. At least until I get the hang of it. Why do I feel so guilty?

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Yes book stuff. Okay I am going to use this blog as a kind of self motivation. I'll kick my self in the ass on days when I can and be inspired on days when I can't. rrrriiiiiiiggggghhhhh

The good news is I finally decided what to write. Or which idea to concentrate on. That was a 6 month hurdle. I was worried that I might have to stick with one time zone when my ideas span centuries. But then I (finally) asked myself if this was yet another elaborate, self sabotaging, form of procrastination?

Johanna Lindsey's books span centuries and light years, Julie Garwood has bounced around, Margaret Moore does mideavel and regency, Sherrilyn Kenyon writes under 2 different names and 2 different time periods. So why am I worrying. Why not just get one written then worry about the next set. yes my books come to me in sets. Dammit. Bloody hard to decided which is which at times since my thought processes bounce around both.

I finally decided on the 2 Regency period I have perculating. May have something to do with the Julia Quinn and Suzanne Enoch kick I have been on lately. Well there was some Angela Knight snuck in there too.

So I bought one of those 5 subject notebooks. Fist section will be devited to my plot ideas. Second to the Hero (cause I thought of him first) 3 to the Heroine, 4th~Secondary characters
5th will be the sequal ideas that hit me while I am brainstorming the first. Happily I have written a bit in each section today.

OKIES HERE IS THE GOAL>>>>>

By next Sunday I want to have the first chapter written. No more F**k'n around. If I'm going to do this then I WILL do it. *nodding furiously*

Right well I had better get started now.

A new hobby to obsess over is born...

Well for a first post this won't be much. Just somthing to get me started.

I have a feeling I'll be kicking my self in a few weeks for doing this. I tend to swing to extreams over my hobbies from complete obsession to procrastination. Although the idea of actually journaling again appeals to me. Especially when I have thoughts that I don't partucually feel comfortable telling those around me.

Guess that is the problem with being a pagan surrounded by Christians, you never know which one is holding a metaphoric torch behind their backs.

If asked why I am starting this....well football season is starting tomorow. Another 5 months of listening to stats and replays of the days game from my husband. Somthing I truly couldn't care less about but I try to be supportive so I nod and make encourging noises while letting my mind think about other things.

Hey maybe I should rename this blog..."Things I think about when my husband talks about football" That does have a ring of truth to it.